Truth Before Dishonor

I would rather be right than popular

The Thing About Umbrellas

Posted by John Hitchcock on 2011/11/11


Umbrellas, they say, are useful tools to have during rainy times because those umbrellas, they say, keep you dry. But do umbrellas really keep you dry? An inverted bowl of material roughly four feet in diameter hanging a few inches over your head is all you have between yourself and the rain.

When I have spent any time at all under an umbrella, I have still found myself mostly wet. Oh, the umbrella kept my head and shoulders and maybe even most of one arm dry. But the rest of my body was still open to the rain. Basically, from my mid-chest down to my feet were wet because the umbrella did not protect my entire body from the rain.

I remember when those clear plastic bubble umbrellas were a big fad. With those umbrellas, you could lower the bottom edge of the umbrella to just-below-shoulder level and still see. What was the purpose for designing the bubble umbrella? It was an attempt to rectify an innate flaw of the umbrella, a flaw that allowed most of your body to get wet. But even the bubble umbrella does not keep you dry in the rain. Sure, it will keep more of you dry than a standard umbrella, but it still doesn’t protect you from the waist down.

So why do we use umbrellas if they’re so bad? Because umbrellas do serve a purpose, and effectively so. In short durations, umbrellas help keep much of the water off us. A quick trip from the car to the front door of home or a business establishment is a good time to use an umbrella. In long durations, umbrellas keep water off our heads and, if the umbrellas are large enough and handled expertly (Go ahead and laugh at that over-extended use of the word “expertly;” I got a chuckle out of it.), our shoulders. And let’s face it, we are much more comfortable with our heads and shoulders dry and the rest of our bodies wet than we are with our heads and shoulders wet and the rest of our bodies dry. So, despite their inability to keep much of our bodies dry over any length of time, umbrellas are very useful.

Why Umbrellas?

“Why am I reading about the travails of umbrellas on a political blog?” I do have a reason for talking about umbrellas and that reason isn’t actually about umbrellas. If you consider the picture of a person as an image of a country, you will begin to understand. You can look at it as a scale from elite to common, rich to poor, connected to not-connected. Those who are at the top of the scale will stay dry while those from above-midpoint to bottom will get wet from the rain.

Now that I have developed this word-picture, what am I doing with the word-picture? It is to explain tax policy. For a great many years, “soak the rich” has been the class-envy cash cow of the liberals. It is classic redistribution policy. And yet, that policy has failed the communist states.

Anytime politicians have attempted to “soak the rich,” the rich have sheltered their money from the soaking. Want to increase the profits tax on the wealthy? They’ll just pull their money from their business investments and store it for better times. Want to sock it to corporations? They’ll just pass on the added tax to their customers. Increase the income tax on the big money-makers? They’ll shift their earnings to benefits packages or shift their earnings to later years. Add luxury taxes to yachts or private jets or high-dollar cars? They won’t buy them.

No matter how you try to use class-envy to “soak the rich,” the rich still have umbrellas. And the middle-class and the poor suffer for it. Let’s not forget the politicians who are doing the soaking are also protected from the downpour.

How do the rich umbrellas soak the poor and middle class? If the rich quit buying items that have luxury taxes, those items quit selling. If those items quit selling, the businesses quit building them. If the businesses quit building them, the workers – the poor and middle class – lose their jobs, and thus their incomes. Remember when the Democrats under the Clinton administration nearly single-handedly destroyed the yacht-manufacturing business with the luxury tax on yachts?

It is very important to understand corporations do not actually pay corporate tax. Oh, the records show they do, and the money coming out of corporations and going to government in the form of taxes say they do. But corporations don’t pay corporate tax, customers of those corporations do. When corporate taxes are increased, corporations pass on that tax to their customers who have to pay higher prices for goods to cover the higher tax. So those with less money pay more of their money for the same thing to make up for the added cost of doing business the government put on them. “Which ‘them’ is ‘them?’” When government increases corporate tax, it is an effort to increase the cost of doing business to the corporation. But in actuality the increased tax is an increased cost of doing business for the buyer and not the corporation.

Of course, when the corporation increases its prices, it loses buyers. Increase a price too much and a corporation will go bankrupt. But even without going bankrupt, a loss of business translates to a loss of employment need. A loss of employment need translates to more people out of work. You know, those middle-class and working poor?

When investors take money out of the stock market, businesses have less money for Research and Development, less money for expansion, less money for employee-base maintenance. And that means fewer jobs for the working class.

Countries who have used “class warfare” over any period of time have suffered for it. “Spread the wealth” countries, like Cuba, have depended on money from other countries to keep them propped up. USSR, with its spread the wealth ideology collapsed. China has begun to move from “spread the wealth” toward more of a free-market economy, and has begun a business and economic boom but is hurt by the lack of buyers for their goods in markets that are running toward government control.

At no time has socialism, big government, class envy ever improved the lot in life of the lower classes. Only by reducing government and allowing the market to act has any country experienced any true improvement in living standards of the populace. But we are fast becoming a nation of historical illiteracy, a nation of lazy sheep, seeking a shepherd to lead us ever which where he desires. Our jealousy, our envy, our arrogant ignorance has led us to this point and will lead us ever further into the quagmire unless something violently shakes us out of our lethargy.

___________________________

I wrote the above in January 2009, when next to nobody even knew about my blog. I’m reposting it now because Barack Obama and the Liberals are working the Socialist “class warfare” angle so feverishly, in an attempt to divide Americans and pit us one against another.

Well, the Obama Administration, ever needing to pit Americans against each other, rewrote the “poverty” guidelines to increase the number of so-called poor in America. As Mark Levin stated on his radio broadcast, it was written in such a way that if every living soul in America doubled their income (and nobody else in the world did), the number of “poor” Americans would stay exactly the same. It’s a wholly dishonest and dishonorable lying game Socialists must play if they want to succeed in destroying the American Dream and substituting the totally depraved and unworkable Socialist Sheol.

The Heritage Foundation has an excellent article that is well worth the read.

According to the columnist Robert J. Samuelson, the new Obama poverty measure “fails.” It flunks the test of “political neutrality,” and is based on “misleading statistics that not one American in 100,000 could possibly understand.”

That’s because the new calculation would measure poverty on a sliding scale. Thus, if the average income of families in the United States’ increases so too does the poverty threshold. Talk about keeping up with the Jones. This new measure provides the perfect climate for left-leaning politicians to promote equalization of wealth through redistribution. This new measure would bump poverty up 30 percent: more poverty equals more political fodder to argue for increased welfare.

As they say, read the rest of the article. The Truth about the American “poor” is that they are already orders of magnitude wealthier than most of the rest of the world. It is a Truth that cannot be denied without Dishonoring oneself.

For every four square feet that the average European has to live in, a poor American has five.

Watch the video to see how wealthy America’s “poor” actually are. Or, if you’re a class-warfare Socialist, ignore the video so you can continue with your lies in total ignorance. “The Truth shall set you free” unless you’re a radical Leftist wholly dependent on nobody learning the Truth; then the Truth shall destroy your agenda.

There are truly poor Americans who need a help up. But the number of truly poor Americans is far lower than what the old matrix showed, and far and away lower than what the Socialist Obama class-warfare matrix shows. The truly poor need a leg up. They’re not going to get that leg up from people who want to destroy the “rich”. Destroying the “rich” will only lead to greater poverty and greater power among the Socialist class (like Barack Obama and the Unions and the Democrat Party leadership).

4 Responses to “The Thing About Umbrellas”

  1. Dana Pico said

    Oh, yeah, I remember those clear plastic bubble umbrellas. Back in the early 1970s, when they were “in,” on a rainy day at the University of Kentucky I could commandeer such an umbrella being used by a cute coed, and found it a good way to meet them! 🙂

    One time, when I had an umbrella of my own (an ordinary black one), and was walking home down Rose Street on the UK campus (near the Fine Arts building, heading toward Euclid Avenue), the wind played havoc with the umbrella, inverting it, and practically destroying it. I righted it, but the next gust of wind hammered it again, and it was quickly becoming dilapidated. Finally, already soaked, I said, “Fornicate it,” completely stripped the remnants of the black fabric cover off of the frame, and walked the rest of the way down the street, in a heavy rain, holding nothing but the metal skeleton over my head. My girlfriend thought that I was totally strange, but it got some laughs, and I had already reached the point where I couldn’t get any wetter.

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  2. Jessica said

    I love this blog post on many levels, but mostly because of the “teaching” aspect of it. I think anyone could read your description of the umbrella, understand, and move on to your political connection and “get it”. Pleasantly pleased… planning to read more…

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  3. Thank you, Jessica. I really do hope you read more and comment much more and with much more depth. Reading your blog, I know you have it in you.

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  4. DNW said

    Dana Pico said
    2011/11/11 at 19:53

    Oh, yeah, I remember those clear plastic bubble umbrellas. Back in the early 1970s, when they were “in,” on a rainy day at the University of Kentucky I could commandeer such an umbrella being used by a cute coed, and found it a good way to meet them!🙂

    One time, when I had an umbrella of my own (an ordinary black one), and was walking home down Rose Street on the UK campus (near the Fine Arts building, heading toward Euclid Avenue), the wind played havoc with the umbrella, inverting it, and practically destroying it. I righted it, but the next gust of wind hammered it again, and it was quickly becoming dilapidated. Finally, already soaked, I said, “Fornicate it,” completely stripped the remnants of the black fabric cover off of the frame, and walked the rest of the way down the street, in a heavy rain, holding nothing but the metal skeleton over my head. My girlfriend thought that I was totally strange, but it got some laughs, and I had already reached the point where I couldn’t get any wetter.”

    You remind me of my excellent umbrella adventure and socialist encounter. I probably told it on your old site, but I’ll briefly go over it again as best as I can recall the details now.

    It was voting day a few years back when I drove to the polls in the rain. Since the walk through the grade school parking lot to the gymnasium hallway door was about 60 yards or more, I went to the trunk, and took out my never used or almost never used Christmas gift from some years before – a green and black plaid Totes compact umbrella. (of the kind we have all gotten at some point in our adult lives along with aftershave and books on WWI)

    Slipping off the identically patterned sheath, I stuffed the sheath in my trench coat pocket, opened the umbrella, and walked through the downpour to the entry hall doorway.

    Getting there I closed the umbrella and got in the line. Advancing eventually to the gym doors, I noticed that numerous others before me had left their umbrellas opened outside the gym door – off to the side where they wouldn’t be in the way and where they could dry and wouldn’t need to be carried dripping into the gym.

    I opened it and placed it along with the others, all of which were either all black or else of colorful flowered-like designs.

    I went in, I voted, and I came out again to fetch my gift umbrella just a few minutes later. After a few moments of puzzling over why I could not pick it out, I realized that it was gone. “Whaaat?” “Huh?” “How can this be?”

    So I looked to the people standing there in line next to where the umbrellas were and asked, “Did any of you see someone just now walk off with a green and black Totes compact umbrella?”

    As I recall they looked at me like I had done something unutterably gauche during a dinner party, or had asked them to turn informer for the Gestapo.

    Shaking my head and shrugging, I stepped out into the rain and passing the candidate supporters lined up outside, walked to the car.

    As I was getting in I looked back and thought, “If you really want to exercise due diligence on your own behalf, you will ignore the rain, walk back to where the candidate supporters are, and at least go through the motions of asking them if they have seen anything.

    So I did. And the Republican candidate for local office and his associates said something along the lines of ” Well, that guy in the leather jacket who appeared to be drinking and was hanging around and haranguing us earlier, had no umbrella when he went into the polls, but had one that looked like what you are describing when he came out”.

    “Ah”, I said. “I saw him … the squat guy with glasses and dark hair …[the one jabbering about his hatred of Bush while he was standing in line. ] But he would have voted after me. What kind of car was he driving?.”

    They told me that he wasn’t driving a car. That he had arrived on a bicycle. And that he hadn’t left the vicinity altogether, but had merely gone from the grade school to the junior high school which serviced the next precinct as its polling place, a hundred yards or so down the extended parking lot.

    So, I go to the car, get in, and drive over there. I walk into the glassy multi-door main entrance, and follow the signs down the halls to the voter line. The line has about fifty people in it – or so it seems to me now. And I recall starting at the end and slowly walking to the front while looking over the voters, as several of them made motions as if to tell me where the line ended and where I should be standing. As I got almost to the front of the line, I saw him standing there, with the umbrella, and holding court with what appeared to be a number of sympathetic listeners. I slowly walked by, got to the head of the line, turned around, and walked back to where he was standing.

    By this time I guess I was a bit of a spectacle – many of those in line apparently thinking I was intending to cut in, or reacting to having been given the once over. As I walked back to the jabberer, he kept glancing at me as he entertained his associates,

    I walked over to him and said something like, “I’ll take that”.

    The exchange then went something like this:

    “Take what?”

    “My umbrella. You took my umbrella, and now you are going to give it back”

    “Your umbrella?”

    “Yes”

    “How do you know it’s your umbrella, do you have a receipt?”

    I reached in my pocket an pulled out the matching sheath and held it in front of his face and said, “I have this”

    At which point as he was thinking what to say, I reached over and took the umbrella from his hand.

    He then said something like, “I thought it was mine, and it’s childish of you to get upset over an umbrella”

    I held the blunt tip of the rolled umbrella in his face like a long shaking finger and said, “No you didn’t think it was yours, you stole it. You know, you shouldn’t steal from people. It can have real consequences”

    At this point a couple of people in line were making like they were about to succumb to an attack of the vapors, and he got belligerent.

    “Don’t call me a thief.” he said. “I thought it was mine. I had a black umbrella and …”

    Whereupon I said, ” That makes you twice a liar as well as a thief. You are a democrat aren’t you? See, if you had a black umbrella as you just began to say, then you could not have mistaken this green plaid one for yours. And in fact witnesses have said that when you went in you had no umbrella at all.”

    The audience wasn’t enjoying this at all.

    ” I did have a black umbrella!” he said. “And someone took mine so I took that one!”

    “So you not only prove you are a liar, you now admit you are a thief as well. You must be too drunk to keep your story straight. Nice work moron.”

    At which point I turned to walk away while the public employee union members standing in line struggled to catch their breath.

    As I got to the exit doors I heard him clattering down the hallway after me cursing. I turned to face him with my back to the doors and he stopped some feet away like he wanted to charge, and informed me that he didn’t have to take that.

    “Yes you do,” I said. “I’m bigger and stronger than you are, and you are a drunk and a thief.”

    I went through the doors and into the rain and he let out a howl and followed me. As we stood there faced off about 20 feet apart, me under the umbrella and he standing there in his jacket getting pelted by the rain, he made motions as if to strip off his jacket for a fight. But after shrugging it off his shoulders and having it behind his back, he was unable to get his wrists free of the sleeve cuffs, and began writhing furiously.

    At which point I walked to my car, got in and began to drive away.

    The last time I saw him he was splashing through the parking lot puddles as if to try and head me off, while holding out a cell phone at arm’s length. I guess he wanted a picture of the guy whose umbrella he stole so that when he reported it to the cops they would know who to arrest.

    Umbrellas and lefty Democrats, there is always a lesson when they pair up.

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